My "Christmas Shoes" Story

Miracles...they happen everyday. They are great reminders of the beauty of life and the beauty of the human soul. And when you get to experience it yourself, you are never the same. It leaves a mark engraved in your heart and a memory ingrained in your mind. Miracles allow you to have a glimpse of heaven and let you know that there is Someone up above maneuvering for these miracles to happen.

I had my own share of a small miracle last week which made me feel the love of a loving  God. It has brought a different meaning to Christmas and made this year an unforgettable one. Prior to experiencing this miracle, I stumbled upon a very touching Christmas video which left me crying my eyes out and insipired me to do something for others.



A couple of weeks ago, I got tickets to the Christmas concert of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with David Archuleta as their guest performer. I had already saved a couple of tickets for my friend and her date and  I was saving another one for my "potential date".

One day while at work, I got curious  about how many people were selling tickets to the concert because it created quite a stir and even made it in the news when some people sold their tickets to the concert which were given for free.  I was surprised by how much the tickets were going for  but one ad caught my attention wanting to buy two tickets for $100 each.  I thought to myself, "Wow, I could make two hundred dollars for two of my tickets and I could send that money to my family for Christmas."

My demeanor totally changed after reading the entire ad which was posted by a mother who was looking  to buy tickets for her daughter who is handicapped and apparently a big fan of David Archuleta. My heart went out to this girl and thought it would be absolutely wrong if I sold the tickets.  I found myself in a dilemma of whether  I would sell them or not... trying to make sense of the next move I would make. So I called up a couple of my friends to ask for their opinion.

One friend told me that they must be pretty well-off to be able to afford buying the tickets for that price.  I also found out that she already invited a guy to go with me to the concert and was just waiting for his reply.  At that moment, getting a date was the least of my worries.  All I cared about was whether to just give the tickets away or sell them. But she only advised me to sleep on it and decide the next day.

The following day, I checked online to see if there were tickets that were being given away by others so I could help the mother find tickets for her daughter since I was still unsure about my decision. I was skimming through the ads when I found one giving away tickets for the concert.  I forwarded the ad to the mother hoping that she'd be able to get the tickets  but I've indicated in the email to let me know if she's not able to contact the person because I was just going to give up a couple of mine.  I was surprised with that decision because it came automatically and without  hesitation. And it made me feel good.

I got a response from her that night and below are the email exchanges that we had after I sent her the first email.

Thanks so much for the info.  I found the ad last night and I tried to call the phone number that was listed.  It didn't work, so I assume that the tickets are gone.  Thanks for for taking the time to send this to me.  My daughter has Cerebral Palsy and I was going to go stand in line one of the nights to see if I could get her in (would hope that there is a place they will let her sit inside while I wait). She followed David on American Idol and just loves his voice.  Anyway, if you decide that you have a couple extra tickets let me know.  They would be appreciated.  I tried with many addresses this year...no luck. 

Thanks again! 

Lisa and Brittany  

Hi Lisa,

I actually contacted the person for you too but to no avail. I was supposed to only have one extra ticket and since I won't have a date that night, I was thinking your daughter could take it but she most probably would need you there.  I would love to give you a couple of my tickets.

At first I thought if you were going to buy the tickets, I could send that money to my family for Christmas but it would be wrong if I sell them.

So let me know how I could give them to you.

Sincerely,
Dinah

Oh WOW...I am at a loss for words right now! How very, very kind of you to share your tickets with us.  I just got home from work and got your message.  Brittany is so excited.  She just squealed with delight. I didn't tell her anything until tonight because I didn't want to get her hopes up.

Are you sure you can share 2 of them?  My husband has been out of work for a long time and we have limited funds this year...but we decided that this memory for Brittany was more important than any other gift that any of us would want...that's why I was trying to buy them for her.  I tried every other way to get these for her but never got any response.  So, we decided to offer what Christmas money we had so she could go.  I believe we have 2 miracles this year.  I don't know what to say or how to thank you for being so generous. 

I would be very willing to come meet you somewhere to pick up the tickets if that works for you.  We live in the south Sandy area.  I am a care giver for an older lady in Draper. Do you live or work anywhere near those areas? I can come before work or after work to where ever you want to meet. 

Thank you so very much.

Sincerely,

Lisa 

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry for not promptly replying. Your email made me cry.  I can just imagine the joy that Brittany felt when she found out that she gets to go to the concert. 

I have experienced my own miracle a couple of days ago and I know it was because of my decision to give up a couple of my tickets.  I did not expect to receive anything from doing something nice to others but I know God's hands were over this.

I can give you the tickets on Tuesday night but I would like to ask a favor.  I would love to meet Brittany if that's okay.  I live in Sandy so there shouldn't be a problem meeting up. I live around 110th and 7th East. I could give you the tickets after 6pm. So just let me know.

Dinah

Last Friday, our company had its Christmas party and I went without any expectation of winning a prize or getting something special.  But to my surprise, my name was the very first one that got picked to win a prize. My heart was filled with glee as I ran to the stage to get my prize. I have yet to recover from it when another surprise came. One of the founders announced that all the employees would receive a Kindle. I almost jumped for joy because I was planning on buying one as a Christmas gift to myself.  Towards the end of the party,  the biggest surprise was announced that the employees will be getting $300 cash as a gift.  


My jubilance was hard to conceal when it dawned on me that it was a lot more than what I could have gotten if I sold the tickets. My heart was pounding and I felt nothing but great elation not because of the material things I got but more so because of the great spiritual blessing I received. It may just be plain coincidence or serendipity but I know Heavenly Father was showing me that good deeds don't go unnoticed. And even without the blessings I received, I would still be grateful for I was able to share something that was special. That is the true meaning of Christmas and that is my "Christmas Shoes" story. 


"The small deeds we do for others can be the greatest gift they could ever have.  Let us not deprive them of that if we have the capability to make it happen because in the process, it is us who are getting more out of it.  There is a simple and pure satisfaction that comes from it which money cannot buy." -Dinah-

Something About Christmas Time

It's that time again of the year when people seem to be always happy and feel generous.  It is a time when people are giving and forgiving.  A time when people feel like singing to their heart's content and smiling even at strangers. It is amazing that people even feel guilty when they're not being nice and no one cannot seem to manage not to be because it is almost like a crime if you aren't during this season.

I can even recall an incident when a friend of mine got so upset with  a bank teller that she wanted to talk to the manager and get him fired but because Christmas is coming up, she decided not to and just let it go. This is what the spirit of Christmas brings--it's powerful and it's magical.

 One thing I noticed though is that some people seem to automatically revert back to their "not-so-nice" selves after the holiday season is over. Smiles are hardly given and are instead replaced with either blank expression on their face or even a frowning one. I am not sure if people are just in denial about their problems during the holidays or Christmas just brings out the best in everyone. If it's the latter, I could only wish that everyday is Christmas so the world we live in is a better place. Unfortunately, that would only remain a wish. I am just grateful that we have this season each year to enjoy the spirit of Christmas which is the spirit of love.

Lately, I have been thinking about how I'm going to celebrate it this year and whether it's going to be different from the previous Christmases I had  without presents from family and not even a greeting card.  It saddened me at the beginning but I have gotten used to it. It doesn't look like it's going to change this year but I can change my attitude towards it because in reality, it is about celebrating the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ and not about me and definitely not about getting presents.

He should be the one receiving presents. Presents that cannot be bought from the store but can be acquired by following His teachings.  When I think of  the kind of presents I can give Him, I think of the beatitudes that He pronounced during the Sermon on the Mount ( Matthew 5:3-5). The beatitudes of being meek, being compassionate, being humble, being pure in heart, being a peacemaker, being a seeker of righteousness and being a true disciple of Christ.

I certainly am not better than others and it maybe remotely possible to be like Him because I am an imperfect soul  but I can try to be like Him.  I can try to reflect the life He lived and the kind of character He had.  I just have to take it one day at a time, a step at a time. I believe it is the best gift I can give not only to my Savior but to myself as well.  A gift that does not cost money  but the most rewarding one.  And if that is the case, I should be able to afford to give this gift all the time and it will be like celebrating Christmas all year round.



"Let us gather Christlike attributes throughout the year and offer them to our Savior on the day of His birth as our gift to Him.'-Dinah-

What Is "Too Late"?

"Too late"...words that are hard to swallow when you're only a day, a few minutes or a few seconds behind. Words that make you cringe when you're almost there but you didn't quite make it. When you ran out of time or you just never took a chance on accomplishing something. Words that make you wish you have a time machine so you can turn back the time and redo what has been done and what not. Or make you wish you have a rewind button to change things but all you could do is release the biggest sigh of disappointment.

Being too late is when you lost a loved one and you never had the chance or never had the courage to say "I love you" to that person.  It is when you ignored  symptoms of an ailment and when you eventually decided to see a doctor, your days are already numbered. It is when you laid your eyes on someone who sparked your interest but you never got up the courage to talk to him or her and all you did was admire that person from a distance. And when you finally had the courage to do so, he or she is already  in the arms of someone else. Unfortunately, only a few get second chances. Most people have to live with regret or remorse for a long while, if not, forever.

An inspiration to write about this subject came upon me after chatting with my sister who told me about the guys who admired me long ago but never got up the courage to tell me. I found it amusing that one guy who is already married still talks about me and would tell people that I was the one that he wanted to marry. We never had a relationship or anything but he did make me feel special. I remember him as a very nice and kind person...a God-fearing and responsible one.

I knew he had feelings for me but I never gave him a chance. And so when my sister asked me if I could turn back time, would I give him a chance, then? I was dumbfounded. Back then, there were other things occupying my mind. I was preparing for my return to the States and I never really had a chance to think about it. It made me wonder if I did give him a chance,  would I already have a family of my own if things worked out between us? Would my life be different if I set my dreams aside and took a chance? I will never know.

I used to be very apprehensive about disclosing my feelings to someone for fear of rejection or misconception but as I continued to be fearful about it, I got stuck. I was always left hanging...wondering. So I've learned to be more open about how I feel and prepare myself for the repercussions. I've been rejected but felt liberated. I felt better and life still went on. I was glad I took a chance though it caused me pain.

If there's one person right now whom I wish to have a conversation with regarding how I feel about her, it would be my mother. I am afraid that as time goes  by, I only have little of it left to settle things with her. For a long  time now, my relationship with her has been rough and I just want to pour my feelings out to her, to tell her how sorry I am for the things I've done and what she means to me. It doesn't matter anymore whose fault  it is or what caused the problem but what matters is the limited time in my hands to patch things up with her. I have long been broken and this would be the only way to fix my broken soul.   I never got to tell my father how I felt about him before leaving the earth and I don't want it to happen with my mother. I know I gotta do it soon so we could start afresh before it's too late....

"Time does not wait for those who keep waiting...it is the only thing that does not get old and does not die but we do."-Dinah-

Alone In A Crowd

Being alone is not a bad thing...or am I just trying to convince myself? No, it really is not a bad thing if it is not the usual case. It is always enjoyable being with friends and do stuff together but having alone moments can be a good time to get to know yourself better and know how to handle inadvertent situations by yourself.

The best time to build our character happens when we are able to do things alone, at least to me, that is pertinent. I strongly dislike doing things alone particularly if it involves dealing with others, being in a crowd or being the center of attention. I have no qualms about doing things if I didn't have to be around a lot of people.

I felt compelled to write this post after an experience I had a few nights ago when I went to the concert of Lady Antebellum all by myself. A few days before the concert, a friend of mine and I were talking about  seeing  it together. I found a discounted ticket online and I immediately contacted my friend to inform her that I would be buying a ticket the next day.  She asked me to buy her a ticket as well but I only found one. I advised her to look one up for herself or she could buy one directly from the ticket outlet. I never heard back from her. All this time, I was thinking she would buy one and was still planning on going.  The next day, I got my ticket and was looking forward to going to the concert. I still hadn't heard from my friend.

A couple of days later,  we saw each other.  She never mentioned anything about the concert until I asked her if she already got one and she didn't.  She then went on to tell me that she actually had to work that night and won't be able to go.  I was a bit irked that she didn't bother to tell me to think that it was just a couple of days prior to the concert night. Then, it dawned on me that I could be going to the concert all by myself and the idea scared me. I thought I would come across as a 'loser' without anybody to go with me.

I then questioned myself whether I should just sell the ticket or go by myself.  I made a decision  that I would still go even if it meant being alone at the concert. I would not let my friend's fickleness dampen my spirit and deprive myself of an opportunity to enjoy great music. What other people would think of me did not bother me anymore. I decided that I was going to have fun.

I was on my way to the concert when a friend called me up and wanted to come with me after seeing my status on Facebook about going to the concert alone. I got excited that she'd come with me but she still had to find a ticket.  I advised her that she could buy one at the box office and so we went only to find out that it was sold out. Oh well, I guess I was really meant to be alone that night.

So my friend went home and I went inside the venue.  The place was packed and the front act was already performing. I found myself a spot all the way in the back and didn't really have a good view of the stage. I looked up at the balcony and there seemed to be room up there. I went up the stairs and was surprised that there was a bar and a lot of people were drinking. I was even more astonished that the balcony was actually crowded and it just did not look it since the crowd consisted mostly of couples with arms wrapped around each other. I felt so out of place and hurriedly went back down the stairs. I just chuckled silently to myself.

I stayed where I was at from the start and felt so weird at first with no one to talk to. Finally, the front act was over and it even became weirder during the intermission with basically nothing going on but wait until the main performer come out. I just stood there and kept checking my phone to find something to do.  Luckily, a couple of my friends were 'texting' me so that kept me preoccupied for a bit.

At last, the members of the Lady Antebellum band came out and the crowd went wild. The energy of the crowd rubbed off on me and I even sang along as the band played their songs. I was actually enjoying myself but felt odd when a few people looked at me but I just shrugged it off. The 'loser' thought did not get to me.
I must admit though that the mellow love songs the band sang did get to me and wished I was with someone to share it with. They were pretty amazing and I would never regret watching the concert by myself.

It was pretty exhilarating to be able to do something like that alone. And looking back, I've come to realize that I had done things which were far more challenging and really tested my courage. The first time I came to the States was for one a big step for me.  It was like stepping into the unknown but it definitely increased my sense of well-being and built my character. The second time I came, to create a life of my own, was a big leap of faith that I took which molded me into what I am now.

I had done numerous and enormous things which I could not imagine I would have done otherwise if I was not willing to take that big leap of faith. Some experiences I went through were not easy and if I were weak, I would have already given up considering that I don't have family here but I am grateful to wonderful friends who have made me a part of theirs.

I know I would still have anxieties over doing things by myself  and the anticipation would still kill me but I believe it is just a matter of getting acquainted with myself more. I should know myself better and If I am more comfortable being with "myself", I will be alright.  Though I tremendously enjoy being with friends, I should keep in mind that my happiness should not depend on others. After all, I am the only one who is always there for me not to mention my closest ally who is always watching over me and that is Heavenly Father.

I am actually liking myself better and discovering other potential I possess sounds pretty exciting. I know the next time I have to do something alone would not be as hard as I perceive it to be. I just gotta do it!

Poetic Wednesday

A Grateful Heart
by: dinahmic

Father in Heaven
I thank Thee

For the gift of life that Thou hast accorded me

For its wondrous design that my eyes have yet to fully see

I thank Thee
For the gift of youth
With its playfulness and its defining state
Enabling me to relish the years of innocence

I thank Thee

For the gift of maturity

With all the experiences and memories it brings
Effectuating wisdom along my journey

I thank Thee
For the gift of love
With its heartaches and  tenderness
Encompassing life's true meaning

I thank Thee
For the gift of friendship
For kindred spirits that connected with my being
Partaking of my sorrows and joys

I thank Thee

For the gift of laughter

Which enlivens my heart
And invigorates my soul

I thank Thee
For the tears that cascade down my face
To wash away my misery
Ushering me into the realm of tranquility

I thank Thee
For the gift of music
Which speaks to me in my lonesome
Aligning me with my deepest emotions

I thank Thee
For Thy ultimate gift
The sacrifice of Thy beloved Son
Who took the whipping for me
With every drop of His blood embodying my sins

I thank Thee
For being my Heavenly Father
For guiding me as I travel this earth
Waiting for me to come home into Thy loving arms

May I be worthy of the blessings
Thou hast bestowed upon me
May I share them with all those around me
My endless thanks to Thee...

The Man Who First Loved Me

I was listening to a radio station in the Philippines through live streaming and my eyes welled up in tears as I listened to their topic regarding losing a loved-one and how people coped with it.  The callers narrated their own sad but somehow inspiring stories and I could not help but cry as I related to the grief and pain they went through before and after their loss. It hit me that this month marks the sixth death anniversary of my father--my 'Tatay'. All the memories I had with him flooded over me. And I cried some more, trying to hold back my tears and sniffles to avoid drawing attention from my co-workers.

It had been six years since the last time I went home.  It was a bittersweet homecoming since the sole purpose of it was to attend the funeral of my father--to pay him my last respect and to take a final glimpse of him. He was already battling with cancer for a couple of years and I knew that I did not have much time to spend with him so I booked a trip home in November  of 2004 hoping that I could spend Christmas with him and the rest of my family. Being away from them for so long, I was ecstatic to see them again...to hug them, laugh with them and share special memories with them. I could not wait to play with my nieces and nephews and see how they've grown. I was counting the days until I could see everyone of them. Aside from the fact that my father was waiting for me to come home.

One cold early morning of October 2004, I saw a voicemail notification on my phone with a registered number from my sister.  I just ended a graveyard shift at 6:00 o'clock that morning. I had the strangest feeling that the call was about my father and I was too scared to listen to the message.  But I did. I could sense the trembling in my sister's voice as she relayed to me that our father has surrendered his battle with cancer. A part of me died as well when it sunk into me that I will never be able to talk to him again when I get back home. That I would not be able to feel his warm hug and share jokes with him. I could not fathom the thought that I would see him lifeless.

I sat in my car for a few minutes enveloped in grief  but no tears coming out of my eyes.  I was coaxing myself  that it was okay and that he was in a better place. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I felt paralyzed--just numb. I mustered some strength and drove home. I found myself in tears as I laid in bed with no one to talk to. I've never felt so alone but a heartfelt prayer gave me peace and comfort. I was physically and emotionally exhausted when  I finally drifted off to sleep.

I called my sister later that day and found out that 'Tatay' told his good friend that he might not make it before I get home. He was trying to hang on to his dear life so he could see me but his body was too weak and  been wanting to take its final rest. Knowing that, 'Tatay' made me feel so special and loved.  He had never been vocal about how he felt about his children but he had a way of showing his love for us. He may have weaknesses but he was always thoughtful in his own little ways. He would fight for his kids even if it meant jeopardizing himself in the process.

The next few days were spent arranging my flight to the Philippines, taking care of work stuff and packing. Those days were some of the craziest days I've ever had which hardly gave me a chance to wallow in grief. An outpouring of support and sympathy  from friends helped me get through those seemingly endless days.

Finally the day of my flight came and as I was sitting at the airport, I remembered the last time I saw my father.  It was at the airport...on my way to the States. He hardly talked to me that day. He was sitting on the curb with his face down. I kept glancing at him but he didn't even want to look at me. I eventually caught his eyes and in those deep-set brown almond eyes, I could see tears in the corner. There was sadness in them and I looked away for I know that  I would start to cry. I thought he might be sad because he will miss me but maybe he was afraid that he would not see me again...or maybe  he already knew he wouldn't. I wanted to hug him as I bade goodbye to them but unfortunately had to rush to the plane since I was the only passenger not yet on board. All I could do was wave at him.

My father and I had our share of disagreements and disputes but his silent ways of showing his love would definitely not be forgotten. My memories of him carrying me to bed when I was little , playing boardgames with his kids, taking us to amusement parks, giving us change so we could buy candy and so on and so forth would always stay with me. But one important role that I played in his life growing up which I will never, never forget was making him coffee in the morning before going to work and when he gets home from work.   He would then have me grab his slippers and ask for a freshly washed face towel to refresh himself up. That was a usual scenario at home. At that time,  I would murmur and even questioned why it had to be me all the time. But now, I am thankful that I have that memory of my father that is only mine and mine alone.

Remembering 'Tatay' still makes me cry and I know it always will.  However,  having the knowledge that families can be together for eternity gives me hope that I will see him again and I can be reunited with him. I know he is watching over me and is being my guardian angel. If there was one thing that I wished I did while he was still around, that would be to tell him how much I love him. But I could not do it anymore. All I could do is softly whisper "I love you, Tatay" in the air hoping that the wind will carry those words to him wherever he is at right now. 'Tatay' was the very first man in my life who first loved me and showed me unconditional love without expecting anything in return. I surely miss him...

"God presents us with priceless gifts of love, family, friends and other great things that give meaning to our existence. It is up to us to either treasure them, pawn them for a lesser value or trade them for nothing...you decide." ~Dinah~

A Serving of Chicken Soup for My Soul

A couple of Sundays ago, I attended a fireside that was life-changing.  I should have written about it as soon as I got home so I could at least convey the burning of my spirit, at least through words, after listening to Dan Clark, author of the famous book "Chicken Soup for the Soul". What an amazing man and a great speaker he is!

I imagined that the burning feeling I had would immediately subside but it stayed with me. It is a burning feeling to be a better person, a better fellowman, a better disciple of Christ. Keeping that feeling burning is a daily struggle but it won't be impossible if the desire to do so is present where that burning feeling springs from.

I have learned from Dan Clark that serving others which is the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ allows us to be connected with each other at a higher level. The experiences that we have with others are more meaningful which create more meaningful friendships and relationships. Giving time for others in service, allows us to be more appreciative of what we have and not complain about what we lack. The gospel is not learning to know, it is learning to do. It is an action word--a verb. We demonstrate our love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by lending a helping hand, by reaching out to others even in the simplest and smallest way. It makes a difference--we make a difference.

When we serve others, we are able to find out who we really are. We find our worth, our purpose. We discover who the people we serve really are. We are all children of God. We are one big family. When we realize that, our hearts become open, we become more accepting. Understanding others becomes easier. Our minds work with our hearts to make room for love to share with others. It is in losing ourselves in the service of others that we find ourselves (Mahatma Gandhi).

I do try to make a concerted effort to have a ready hand to help someone no matter who that person is but I am also guilty of being too focused sometimes on what is going on with my life that I overlook the needs of others. Nevertheless, when I do get a chance to serve others, the gratification I get from it is incomparable. It is a great antidote when I am feeling down. It lifts me up when I am able to lift someone else up. The world becomes more beautiful when you are able to add the beauty of your heart and soul to it. That is the power of serving others.


"A drop of kindness can quench the thirst of a dry soul."~Dinah~

Poetic Wednesday

Unraveled
by dinahmic

Affixed to subliminal affection
Indifferent to the vivacity around
Feeling frigid to reason
Traipsing on the edge of delirium

Reality at its bleakest
Cognizance exhausted
Vitality escaped
Existence aimless

Camouflaged by gloom
A glimpse of the azure evaporated
Besieged by melancholy
The milieu bears dimness

Ascended from delusion
Maneuvered back into presence
Beholden to God's grace
Bequeathed with perfect love.

Catching Life's Confetti

Growing up, I was a very shy girl. Okay, may be that's hard to believe now but that is the truth. I used to be very awkward around a lot of people and I was too scared to get out of my shell. I remember not participating in extra-curricular activities in school due to fear of being ridiculed which cost me the highest honors when I completed my elementary education. I hated being in the spotlight so I just concentrated on the academics and thought that was all I needed but obviously, I was wrong. It might not be much of a big deal at that  time since it transpired in the early stages of my education but the feeling of disappointment never left me. And even so, I stayed and remained in my shell.

 I was always playing it safe, always on the sideline, always in the corner. It was where I felt most comfortable, my comfort zone, but it was the most arid zone as well. I was just a plain spectator as gaiety unfolded before me. My voice left unheard as people broke into laughter. I was too afraid to crack a joke thinking it might not be funny. I never became a part of a team's victory nor its defeat. And even in love, I was playing it safe promising myself that my first would be my last to avoid being hurt. Certainly, it did not happen and I was not spared from being heartbroken.

After changing my faith, I gained a new sense of confidence. Gaining new faith in God was gaining new faith in myself. I can still  distinctly recall going to a dance and being very conscious. I finally loosened up after some time and got up the courage to get on the dance floor. However, I  felt clumsy as I swayed my hips to the rhythm of the music and I was about to turn around to go back to my seat when a famous adage came to mind, "Dance like nobody's watching." I found it hard to digest at first but I decided to yield to that thought and I had the best time of my life as I danced the night away. It was a huge "Aha!" moment for me...a life-changing one.

That experience gave me a different outlook in life. I came to a realization that I was actually depriving myself of the fun and joy that life can offer and that I missed out on a lot of things. So I made a pledge to myself to catch whatever life throws at me with both hands. Singing my heart out in front of others is not as nerve-racking even though I know I can never be on "American Idol". Shaking my body in synchrony with the music's beat  became natural though I would definitely not earn a spot on "So You Think You Can Dance".  Not having someone laugh at my silly jokes became the least of my worries and poking fun of myself did not give me discomfort but it absolutely would not qualify me to be "The Last Comic Standing." I engaged in sports with people I barely knew which presented opportunities of establishing new connections. I  picked up new hobbies which broadened my knowledge. I watched performances which enlivened my soul. I traveled to places  and  marveled at the richness of their history. I opened myself up to others  which resulted to earning new friends. I gained a new appreciation for the beauty of nature and its majesty as I communed with it. I was willing to try anything.  

There are still a lot of things that I want to do and I want to try. It may mean another broken heart if I become vulnerable again in love. It may mean a broken bone when I engage myself in physical activities. It may leave me broke when I travel to places. But all these are well-worth every pain I will bear.

There is so much to do and so much to enjoy in life. There are so many possibilities to explore and so many opportunities to grow. There is a plethora of adventures to get on, places to travel, mountains to climb and oceans to cross. Life pours momentous events, special occasions, unforgettable moments, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, breathtaking views, potential friendships, potential love affairs. And the list goes on.  All these things are the confetti of life  and it is up to you to seize them, to catch life's confetti as they fall on you.

They come in different colors, in different shades and hues, with sparkles and glitters. They come in different shapes and sizes. They're thrown at you from different directions. You have a choice to catch them with arms wide open or let them fall on the ground. If you choose the latter, think twice. It is not too late. Don't just tread on them but pick them up and give yourself a chance to at least even try.

Live a life where regrets have no room. Love like you've never been hurt before. Laugh until you cry. Savor each moment like it's your last. You don't want the  "Should'ves", "Could'ves" and "Would'ves accompany you for the rest of your life for they will not be good companions. Introduce yourself to  "Shoulds", "Coulds" and "Woulds" for they will fill your basket of  life with all the superlatives there is. Life becomes more meaningful, invigorating and worth living. Just try...you might just have the best time of your life.

"Life is a rough road to travel with its numerous bumps and humps. An infinite smooth surface is only reached when life itself ends. So just enjoy the ride and the adventure that comes with it for you may never have a chance to get on it again." ~Dinah~

Fixing Fixation

Broken things, broken heart, broken soul, broken spirit...anything broken I feel inclined to fix. I wish I have that kind of ability and capability but I could only try and could only do so much. Some people may find it bizarre but I have always been fascinated by anything broken and gets challenged to fix it. I have had success at times but on other occasions, I ended up breaking it some more. There is something so fulfilling and gratifying about fixing something that I could not find anywhere else. I feel triumphant and jubilant when I am able to repair, restore or revive something.

I am unsure where this fascination came from but Angus MacGyver, the main character of the long-time defunct TV show "MacGyver" may have influenced me. He was an intelligent, optimistic, laid-back and resourceful secret agent who preferred non-violent resolution over aggression. It was hypnotic watching him get out of a dismal situation by making do with what he could find. I was pretty disappointed when the show stopped airing but it created a "MacGyver" in me.

I remember having a broken clock at home and dismantling it to try to revive it. I didn't have the slightest idea about the mechanics of a clock but I put my hands to work by carefully pulling out its "heart" and hands. I then removed its face and took the gears out. I laid every piece on the table and just stared at them--not knowing where to start. I cautiously fiddled with them, checking what could be wrong. For a few hours, I engrossed myself in putting the pieces back together but to my dismay, it still did not work. And my only consolation was the fact that I was able to put all the parts together.

My "fixation" on fixing things did not end there. There were several occasions when friends would call me up to fix something for them. I'm no expert in any given field but my willingness and optimism drive me to finding a solution to the problem. I always envision anything can be reverted, if not to its original state, at least to a functioning one.

A couple of amusing instances stand out when I was able to fix something. One day, my car stereo and clock stopped working when I unplugged a device from the cigarette lighter. I had no idea what happened and so I hopped on my computer and did a Google search. The results pinpointed to having a blown fuse. With no proper tools to use, I armed myself with nail clippers and tweezers.

The first hour was spent figuring out how to open the fuse box in the hood to get the spare fuse and then, finding the fuse box under the dashboard where the blown fuse was located. When I finally found it and got to open it, I was startled by the number of fuses inside and was clueless which one needed to be replaced. So I called the car manufacturer to get the information but the unenthusiastic representative would not tell me which one. He instead referred me to their technical support website which charges you a fee so I had to resort to Google again which thankfully gave me the info though I felt stupid after realizing that it was actually engraved on the fuse box cover itself.

The next hour was spent trying to pull the blown fuse out switching between the nail clippers and the tweezers and finding the right position to get to it. After all the crawling and the contortionist moves I did under the dashboard, I felt victorious when I was able to replace the fuse and could not contain myself when I got my car stereo and clock to work. However, I just had to check if the cigarette lighter, which blew the fuse in the first place, was working. I plugged the phone charger in and my rejoicing suddenly vanished into thin air...the fuse blew again! You can just imagine the frustration I felt at that time but thank goodness, I already had first-hand experience replacing one so the second time I did it, I learned my lesson and got the right tool which saved me a lot of time.

Another funny incident happened when my friends and I were preparing ingredients needed for a special dinner the following night. We gathered a bag of shrimp shells after peeling them off. My friend thought of throwing it in the garbage but was worried that it might produce foul odor around the house. So I advised her to just throw them in the disposal and that should take care of it. So she did and it clogged the sink up. I turned the disposal on a few times hoping that it will grind the shells up but to no avail.

I panicked a little bit and asked if they had a sink plunger but they had none. It may be out of desperation but I stuck my hand in the disposal and started pumping the water up and down. I felt some pressure while doing it and thought, "That happens when using a plunger." And just like a plunger, I continued pumping with my hand for a few minutes as my friends watched in probably disgust and disbelief. And holy cow, it worked! I breathed the hugest sigh of relief when there was no trace of shrimp shells left in the sink. My friends and I exploded into laughter and were amazed with what happened. That night, I got labeled as "The Human Plunger" and they summoned me not to do it in the toilet. How absurd!

That is one thing I like about fixing things. It is an adventure, a challenge and it could be a humbling experience. People tend to just throw anything broken without even trying to mend it. For others, the value of something is lost when it gets broken no matter the price they paid for it. If we are unable to restore something for its monetary value, we could at least restore it for its sentimental value which is far more meaningful.

Everyday we come across people who have different stories, who are in different stages and situations in life. We come across people who are broken physically, who are carrying broken hearts, who come from broken families, who have shattered spirits and shattered dreams. Life gets too hectic for a lot of us that we overlook the pain in the face of the person in front of us or hear the anguish in someone's voice.

We may feel that the things we do or say do not have much weight on someone but what matters most is that we tried. Frustration could set in when someone keeps entangling himself in the same situation after all the help you have extended. Intolerance becomes hard to conceal when your advice falls on deaf ears. Understanding becomes hard to cultivate when they ask for your precious time.

We may be ill-equipped and do not have the proper tools in fixing what is broken but we can make do with what we got. When others are crumbling down, we can be there to hold them up. Lending a hand to hold on to can be the only support they need to keep going in life. A listening ear is probably the only thing they ask to feel like they mattered. A few minutes of your time is perhaps all they need to decide whether they should extend their time living.

If we see the value of each broken soul, we will be more than willing to hand them a bottle of glue--the glue of hope, of patience, of faith, of charity, of love...

"Being broken does not necessarily mean the end of everything. Learn to pick up the pieces and put them back together. You may not look the same and may not function like before but the most important thing is that you are whole again." ~Dinah~

Poetic Wednesday

As the World Turns
by dinahmic

As the world turns
Life's changes seem arduous to embrace
When it ensnares me unprepared
And acquiescence is all I could muster

As the world is turning
A dreadful emotion of solitude overcomes me
As I gaze at the lines and ridges of my countenance
Wondering if the hands of time turned hastily on me

As the world takes another turn
A revived hope flourished in me
Optimism blossomed as I welcome
what life bestows upon me

Beauty of an innocent soul is perceived
Fortitude sprouting from pain is borne
Tolerance from injustices is acquired
Wisdom from failures is reaped

A tinge of light in darkness becomes apparent
Shades and hues of understanding become vivid
Love predominates in all of life's abstraction
And the world turns into a better place.

"Desire the delights of life because heaven might just deliver"~Dinah~

Gastronomic Indulgence

If there is one thing that I could say I've always been in love with, that would be FOOD. Personally, I think it is the best thing ever been invented. Not only does it sustain the human physical life but the emotional life as well. It has power to create relationships, strengthen existing ones, bind friendships, comfort those in emotional distress. Celebrating life's greatest occasions and triumphs are not the same without the presence of food. It is one thing that will keep you company no matter what state you are in. Well, of course, that will also depend if you have budget for it but for me, that is out of the question since again, I am in love with it and I don't have the heart to refuse it.

To solidify my relationship with food, I have decided to try different cuisines from different countries and regions. So I made a pact to try anything pertaining to food. It would be my quest now to go restaurant hopping, to get out of the box and take a bite or two of their specialty. I would make it a point that if I travel to places, I would establish a connection with that particular place by having a plate of the cuisine they are noted for. I think it is a great way to appreciate culture, accept our differences and incorporate those differences into our lives to be well-rounded people. It is a wonderful means of embracing humanity.

I have a developing sophisticated palate and it is definitely a burgeoning one that is ready to explore the endless possibilities out there when it comes to food. Some would be succulent and some would be dry. Some would be scrumptious and some would be unsavory. Some would be delectable and some would just be plain horrible. Gastronomically indulging myself will be an adventure and I am prepared to take on the challenge that accompanies it. Not knowing what it would taste like can be unnerving but when you get to taste something that gives you a different high, is delightfully amusing. After all, it only takes one chance to make a decision to either hate it or love it.

My tummy is growling as I think about food. Now, off I go to McDonald's...not! Alright, I'm just gonna go rummage through my fridge and cook something up...hard-boiled eggs, anyone?

"Eat to fill your physical needs, Pray to fill your spiritual needs, Love to fill your emotional needs. Eat, pray, love while you can for you know not what tomorrow brings." ~by Dinah~

Desiderata-My Mantra

Desiderata which means "desired things" is a poem I consider as my life's mantra. I have always been fascinated by this poem since the very first time I read it in my teenage years. I fell in love with it as I slowly read each line and reflected on its meaning. Striving to be a good person is a daily struggle and the inspiring words in the poem help to keep me grounded and put everything into perspective. So I have it up on my cubicle at work to remind me of how I should conduct myself. If you haven't had a chance to read the poem, I've inserted it below. Take time and make time to read it and ponder on its meaningful words. You might just have that elusive "Aha!" moment.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

~Written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920's~

Spiritually Charged!

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I always look forward to April and October every year since those are the months when our Church leaders speak to the members in a global scope. Church leaders share messages that inspire us to be better daughters and sons, better husbands and wives, better brothers and sisters, better friends, better people. We are reminded of who we are, of the things we should focus on and of our potential as children of a loving God.

In the midst of this chaotic world, it is always delightful to get an opportunity to stop, listen and refocus on the most important things. And over the weekend, I had that opportunity and got my spiritual battery recharged.

I woke up Saturday morning right before the conference started. I turned the TV on and was greeted with a beautiful hymn rendered by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I settled myself on my bed and indulged in the uplifting messages being shared. The power of the words penetrated my soul and I felt the spirit so strongly that from time to time brought tears to my eyes. Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf's message left a huge impression on me because it was very timely and it was imperative that everyone heard it. I think the last two parts below of his talk best summed it all up.

"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

"Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship — the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace." ~Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf~

Sunday came and I had to get up a little early for another day of General Conference. My friends and I headed to Temple Square where members from different parts of the world and from all walks of life gathered to watch and listen. We attended both the morning and afternoon sessions and had a relaxing and enjoyable lunch picnic of pot roast and crepes for dessert in between. The weather was warm which was pretty unusual in October but nothing to complain about since we had the beautiful capitol building as our backdrop with the tree branches swaying as the wind blew and having picnic with great friends was priceless.

Pres. Thomas S. Monson's message about gratitude stood out to me. The impact of his words could not have been more powerful as the spirit bore witness of its truthfulness. It may be a simple principle but it is something that people tend to ignore. Sometimes I overlook what I have and look for what I don't have. I forget to be grateful for the blessings I am able to enjoy and the knowledge that Heavenly Father is aware of my needs. Pres. Monson's message was a wake up call and below is an excerpt of that message:

"We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude."

"If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others ~Pres. Thomas S. Monson~

I find it interesting that Pres. Uchtdorf's message about simplifying our lives is directly correlated with Pres. Monson's message about having an attitude of gratitude. Simply put that if we have gratitude for simple things, we would be content, appreciate things more and love people more because we are able to make room for the more important things.

Writing and Me

I wish I have a cool story about starting my own blog but I do not. I woke up one morning and checked my Facebook account when someone posted that she felt inspired to start her own blog (thanks to Carla). Then, I thought to myself, why don't I start my own blog since I have a lot of wisdom to impart, stories to tell and my life is very exciting--NOT! 

All I could say is that I suddenly got inspired to write and felt like letting my emotions float in the world of blogging . I have always had interest in writing but I have a love-hate relationship with it. A very strong desire to write has long resided in me and it gets to me when I have the urge to write about something but my creative juices do not seem to flow and my reservoir is all dried up. It necessitates an inspiration to get fueled up and once that happens, I could not seem to restrain myself and words flow like a mountain stream. I am a novice and still have a lot to learn along the way but the only way to be good at something is by doing it repeatedly until you have mastered it. And if  not, until you are better at it.

My love of writing started when I was but a young girl in grade school. I would get excited when my teacher would ask us to write an essay or a narrative about a certain topic. I probably did not even think much about its effect on me at that time but looking back, it was an electrifying experience. Playing with words was like playing with toys.

Writing has a liberating effect on me and has power to either bring me back to reality or take me to a world where everything is and can be possible.There is something about it that is relaxing not to mention a good way to release all the bottled up emotions--its highs and lows.

If there is an excruciating part about writing, that would be coming up with a catchy introduction. However, getting wonderful comments from people who took the time to read my writing is the most rewarding and the not-so-wonderful comments are definitely not ignored but taken as a motivation to improve and improvise. When you are able to touch someone's life because of the inspiration you are able to share through your writing, that is priceless and that is my ultimate goal.

I do hope that by starting this blog, my love-hate relationship with writing will blossom into a  love affair that can withstand any battles, any headache I will go through and any demons I have to face.  After all, we only have each other.