What Is "Too Late"?

"Too late"...words that are hard to swallow when you're only a day, a few minutes or a few seconds behind. Words that make you cringe when you're almost there but you didn't quite make it. When you ran out of time or you just never took a chance on accomplishing something. Words that make you wish you have a time machine so you can turn back the time and redo what has been done and what not. Or make you wish you have a rewind button to change things but all you could do is release the biggest sigh of disappointment.

Being too late is when you lost a loved one and you never had the chance or never had the courage to say "I love you" to that person.  It is when you ignored  symptoms of an ailment and when you eventually decided to see a doctor, your days are already numbered. It is when you laid your eyes on someone who sparked your interest but you never got up the courage to talk to him or her and all you did was admire that person from a distance. And when you finally had the courage to do so, he or she is already  in the arms of someone else. Unfortunately, only a few get second chances. Most people have to live with regret or remorse for a long while, if not, forever.

An inspiration to write about this subject came upon me after chatting with my sister who told me about the guys who admired me long ago but never got up the courage to tell me. I found it amusing that one guy who is already married still talks about me and would tell people that I was the one that he wanted to marry. We never had a relationship or anything but he did make me feel special. I remember him as a very nice and kind person...a God-fearing and responsible one.

I knew he had feelings for me but I never gave him a chance. And so when my sister asked me if I could turn back time, would I give him a chance, then? I was dumbfounded. Back then, there were other things occupying my mind. I was preparing for my return to the States and I never really had a chance to think about it. It made me wonder if I did give him a chance,  would I already have a family of my own if things worked out between us? Would my life be different if I set my dreams aside and took a chance? I will never know.

I used to be very apprehensive about disclosing my feelings to someone for fear of rejection or misconception but as I continued to be fearful about it, I got stuck. I was always left hanging...wondering. So I've learned to be more open about how I feel and prepare myself for the repercussions. I've been rejected but felt liberated. I felt better and life still went on. I was glad I took a chance though it caused me pain.

If there's one person right now whom I wish to have a conversation with regarding how I feel about her, it would be my mother. I am afraid that as time goes  by, I only have little of it left to settle things with her. For a long  time now, my relationship with her has been rough and I just want to pour my feelings out to her, to tell her how sorry I am for the things I've done and what she means to me. It doesn't matter anymore whose fault  it is or what caused the problem but what matters is the limited time in my hands to patch things up with her. I have long been broken and this would be the only way to fix my broken soul.   I never got to tell my father how I felt about him before leaving the earth and I don't want it to happen with my mother. I know I gotta do it soon so we could start afresh before it's too late....

"Time does not wait for those who keep waiting...it is the only thing that does not get old and does not die but we do."-Dinah-